On Sat, 20 Dec 2003 08:49:16 -0700, "Eric Wagner" wrote:
> you cynical bastard. you're such a flaming homosexual.
> poo monkey? thats its
> fucking tail. are you on drugs or something. people
> like you deserve to die.
> i bet you my life that you're a middle-aged, morbidly
> obese iraqi who has
> nothing better to do than falsely criticize miniature
> golf courses and beat
> off your microscopic penis to beastiality. you fat
> fuck. i hope you die.
> tell me where you live and i'll tear a you a new one.
> fuck you fat shit
>
>
_______________________________________________
Dearest Eric Wagner,
Still laughing my ass off regarding that email. It's
my official first piece of hate mail and I'll cherish
it always. However, I must say, you are very
observant. Indeed, I am a morbidly obese, flaming
homosexual Iraqi. After all, my name is Ira. I'm
sorry for being so fat. I'll try to exercise, I really
will. It's just that I can't fit through the front
door to get to the health club. Someone made a joke
the other day saying when I die, they'll have to bury
me in a piano case. That was mean, don't you think?
Yes, I am on drugs. Powerful anti-psychotics, in fact.
You're right again. You seem to know so much. I
believe in your magic, Eric Wagner. I hereby promise to
never falsely insult miniature golf courses ever again.
You've made me see the light. You are also correct
about my microscopic penis. Fortunately, I have
microscopic Iraqi hands to beat off with, so it isn't
so bad really. The only thing I don't understand in
your email, but I'm sure it's very important, is that
you say to "tell me where you live and I'll tear you a
new one." Tear me a new what? Is this some of that
hip hop talk you kids use these days? Gee, I wish I
was a young, straight, skinny, non-Iraqi like you.
Longingly,
Ira
On Sat, 20 Dec 2003 15:15:37 -0700, "Eric Wagner" wrote:
> Subject: RE: miniature golf course rant
> Bcc: Delivered-To: redtongue.com%ira@redtongue.com
> Return-Path: <ewagner10@****l.com>
> MIME-Version: 1.0
> To: ira@redtongue.com
> X-Sender: ewagner10@*******.com
> X-Originalarrivaltime: 20 Dec 2003 22:15:37.0978
(UTC) FILETIME=[CBF205A0:01C3C746]
>
> dearest fatty,
>
> first off, are you a guy or girl. ira is a womans
name.
> and please tell me
> where you live so i can kill you. fuck you. you fuckin
> dick. i hope you die.
>
>
From: "ira hirsh" <ira@redtongue.com> Print View
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Date: 20 Dec 16:25 (PST)
To: ewagner10@*******.com
Subject: RE: miniature golf course rant
Are you going to be my penpal? How about giving me
your phone number? We can talk about all kinds of good
stuff. As for the death thing, Eric, we all die. Even
you do. At some point every living thing must end its
existence. So, what did you do today? Did you go to
the beach? What's your favorite color? Do you watch
much television? What's your favorite show? What's
your favorite sport? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you
keep in contact with your parents? Do you like to go
to parties? What kind of music do you listen to?
What's your religion? Do you believe in God? Have you
ever gone skiing? What's your favorite book? Do you
like art? Do you like comic books? Do you moisturize
after bathing? How long have you lived here? Why are
you obsessed with overweight people? Are you
overweight? Do people make fun of you? Do your
manboobs make you feel sad? Did the bad boys pull your
underwear up your butt crack again? Do you feel
powerless? Do you feel like the entire weight of the
world is upon your sloping shoulders? It isn't, my
little buddy. You can have your manboobs surgically
removed. Your stretch marks can be soothed with
moisturizer. Your buck teeth can be fixed with braces.
Your knock knees can be repaired with surgery. Stop
wearing your pants so high up. The girls don't like
that. Change your underwear at least twice a week.
Isn't it getting crusty down there?
take care, my pal, isp number...68.32.213.61,
Ira
